"I am 69 years old, I have smoked since I was 18, at the beginning it was brown tobacco then blond , in my lifetime I went from one to three packs a day, I made some attempts to stop which had failed during times of great stress, Then during the year 2019, after a succession of intense family frustrations, I felt that something was wrong and I can still hear myself saying out loud “this year all these frustrations will give me cancer, I will not finish the year”. and in a burst of anger I said, "that’s enough, I’m quitting smoking."it was July 29th, 2019. it was very difficult to stop but I was holding on, I went to Annecy for 15 days to accompany one of my daughters, I was tired and the slightest walk or small hike was extremely tiring, I said to myself as soon as I get home I would go to the doctor for tests At the end of August 2019. I was given an abdominal CT because I was complaining of costal pain and abdominal pain. A few days later I went to the hospital for the examination and the radiologist wanted to see me to tell me that he had not just done the abdomen, but also the lungs and pelvic, that he had noticed some very suspicious spots in the lungs and that it was serious. At that moment I instantly understood that it was serious, he immediately directed me to a pneumologist at the same hospital, and when I asked the latter quite directly if it was cancer, the answer was clear: «from my point of view it is cancer but we must make sure by making additional examinations and a biopsy» actually about two weeks later I would get the confirmation, I have a small cell bronchial carcinoma T4 N3 MO in fact one of the most aggressive and not operable cancer, only chemotherapy and immunotherapy were the protocol, since radiation therapy was not possible given the size of the tumor mass, it had to decrease in volume to be undertaken. Even if I was not completely surprised by the announcement, it was a horrible shock and I still have a hard time accepting it because I have an «intruder» inside me which is devouring me and which I do not accept. Nevertheless and despite having heard absurdities such as “it was too late to have stopped smoking and that I should have stopped thirty years ago and that now there was no more interest on doing this” or like “You asked for it anyway, you must have known this would happen to you”, I held on even though it was very difficult to resist, I still remember the little tricks I used on my previous attempts to stop: One day I blew in a device to measure carbon monoxide I had 22, after 5 days without smoking when I blew in again I had only 5. So I know that one thing is already won against that filth. Now I learned that after 3 months the bronchial eyelashes grow back, so I don’t know since I lost my hair and eyelashes, So I guess for bronchial eyelashes it must be the same but still I have hope because where my hair fell there are tiny regrowth, why not for bronchial eyelashes? And then I talk to my little soldiers who are fighting right now, I tell them « It’s okay you can go bump on the crab you don’t have to worry about another intruder because I don’t smoke anymore to help you be stronger, I’m gonna do everything I can feed myself so you guys can be stronger, and then there’s the chemo that comes with its battery and also the immune which comes to strengthen you, Come on I count on you my little soldiers do not worry about it radiotherapy will soon bring the final stroke» it may seem crazy to imagine these little scenarios but it helps me, curiously I gained five kilos. I know that this cancer is not beatable and that it is highly metastasis, maybe I don’t have a lot time left, no one can say, whatever happens I will not yield to the temptations this cancer monster would wish me to succumb to, I will not smoke again, I may die before I turn 70 but I will have healed myself before and for me it will be my victory. By the end of January 2020, it will be six months without smoking and I am proud of myself and my battle. <br>Testimony translated from it's French original version "
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